Dumped for Being Hairy?! I Think Not!

January 20, 2014

I’ve visited this topic before but it was heavy on my mind dealing with some of my own pasts failed relationships and those of other ladies dealing with hirsutism.

Sad after a breakup? Don't blame the hair! Photo from Flickr by iguanasan

Sad after a breakup? Don’t blame the hair! Photo from Flickr by iguanasan

Are there shallow people in the world? Unfortunately, yes. Will guys (and girls) find ridiculous reasons to break up with people? Of course? Will they break hearts and hurt feelings? Absolutely.

But these reasons and more are what make them funky…NOT YOU!

If you have opened up or tried to explain to your partner that you have hirsutism or PCOS or diabetes or insulin resistance or the laundry list of other potential causes to your extra fur, then it is not you. You’ve done your part. You were honest about a condition that causes you great annoyance.

Chances are, they probably don’t much care about it. They see you are trying to control the condition, so why would they behave iffy because it? You cannot help it!

That’s about as bad as you breaking if off with them because of they greasy hair or lopsided toes or their knobby knee caps! How silly and immature does that sound!?

I hear from women all the time who are terrified of their husbands or boyfriend seeing their hirsutism in its full glory. Some of them are so scared of what their partners will think of them, they make it a full time job to keep the hair away, while hiding their true frustration from it all.

I’ve been there, done that. I’ve been dumped by guys who gave me the “I’m not ready” spill countless times. I was hurt. I was disappointed that they could just at the snap of a finger decide I’m no longer important in their lives. And on top of it all, I could not help but to think if they noticed more facial hair than they cared to ever deal with and dumped me because they were so grossed out by me!

And at 31 years of age, it occasionally still gets me down that I cannot seem to keep a date for longer than a few weeks! What gives!? I know I don’t look THAT bad!

While I know better, sometimes I think us women play as our own enemies when it comes to love. He (or she) probably could careless about the hair on your face or bikini line…or back…or legs…or arms. They probably didn’t even notice all the fur!

Ya know, if you stop bothering so much with yourself and your hair that no one but you notices anyway, maybe he would have felt a better connection with you. Not that I am excusing anyone’s behavior to hurt you, but sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and what you could have done differently.

And if they choose not to go into detail about why they dissed you, you should choose not to care as well. Yes…go through your crying season…it’s normal. You’re human; you’re allowed to have bruised feelings after someone you care about longer feels the same, especially if it came out of the blue. But then you should do the same as they do: disappear completely. No contact; no nothing. Just go.

Take up that exercise class you blew off to be with your partner more. Go to a spa. Take a ride to a museum out of town. Or just go out of town for the hell of it. Better yet, get that laser hair removal done or electrolysis so you can finally stop obsessing about all that hair. Make YOU happy for once so you will be twice as better to the next individual.

…And if this gives you comfort, know that 99% of the time, they find some way to show up again in your life RIGHT AT THE MOMENT you have found happiness in other people and things.

Oh the irony of it all!

Bottom line, don’t take your hirsutism so serious. They probably don’t even notice. Worry about them being a good person to you. Anything less you should be happy to get rid of anyway!

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  • Zay

    Thanks Mo! Great post! :-)

  • Zay

    Thanks Mo! Great post!

  • Marlstonee

    I love this, Ive always have been so self concious about my problem which ive had since I was 3 actually. Tragic, I know, I was always teased and even though as I got older and realized that I am not the only person in the world going through it, that didnt make the teasing names fade from memory any quicker. Most of my life I hated my body because i’m a GIRL and this made me feel so masculine; even though I do still hate it. I’m happy with mself because there is more to me than my flaws.

    • reneleft01

      Amen! Don’t be a prisoner in your own body!